ANIMAL PLANET… Now that most pandemic-era restrictions have been lifted, Squid has decided to get again into the dating recreation. Squid 1st went to the salon (so as to place Squid’s finest tentacle forward, many thanks to a working day of grooming), reloaded Tinder onto the telephone (swiping still left on all these otters is exhausting, but who needs to day all those creepy necrophiliacs?) and established out to obtain Squid’s best match.
Squid designed a match (a adorable smoothskin octopus swiped ideal) and arranged to meet the likely new mate at a swank Carmel watering gap. But when Squid oozed into the bar, Squid was bewildered – at every desk, inter-species partners sat: A dolphin and a grasshopper by the window, a zebra and a lizard in a cozy corner. It was then that Squid uncovered Squid experienced stumbled onto the set of a new Netflix series called Pretty Beasts, in which individuals don surrealistic-looking animal masks and attempt to uncover enjoy based mostly on their personalities by itself.
Squid finds this wildly amusing for a handful of reasons, not the least of which is that – no offense to individuals – their personalities are wholly lacking. For some genuine identity, Squid suggests schlepping to UC Santa Cruz, the place evolutionary biologist Rita Mehta and her previous lab technician, Kyle Donohoe, trained an eel named Qani to ooze up a ramp and feast on, err **check’s notes** a piece of squid held in position with a clamp, prompting the New York Instances to write the very best headline ever: “When an Eel Climbs a Ramp to Take in Squid from a Clamp, That’s a Moray.” A Moray. Get it? A Moray?
SURREAL ESTATE… Squid thinks it is time to both gut renovate the lair, or uncover a little something new, a put the place Squid can collapse right after a working day of snarking. So as Squid costs out new rest room fixtures (Squid’s considering a rainhead shower with steam perform), Squid is also keeping Squid’s eyes on true estate listings. Famed actress Kim Novak’s previous Carmel estate, with its sweeping views of the Pacific from substantial on a cliff, just hit the sector for $12.5 million, and whilst Squid would take pleasure in remaining that near to the ocean (speedy dips are Squid’s jam) that is way out of Squid’s value vary. Then Squid arrived throughout a minor charmer in Pacific Grove, a two-bed room, one particular-tub cottage of 1,009 square ft that demands some operate inside, but would make the perfect position for Squid and Rosco to dangle their hats. Definitely Squid could afford to get little 120 17th St.
But then Squid observed the selling price, as opposed claimed price tag to Squid’s lender account, and discovered that at $1.79 million, Squid was about $1.7 million shorter. Squid imagines some Silicon Valley tech bro will before long seem, income in hand, and tear the 1910 cottage down and replace it with a McMansion. For the reason that of system they will. Correct just after they attend TED, with its 2021 theme of “The Case for Optimism.”